Mixed Signals: Repair and Remain
Welcome to Mixed Signals, the weekly newsletter from me (Gareth K. Thomas 👋), helping adults understand children with trauma.
From My Notes
Understanding behaviour is not justifying behaviour.
*
You can’t use shame to teach a child already flooded with shame.
*
Almost 1 in 5 children experience abuse or neglect that would qualify as complex trauma (NSPCC).
From My Inbox
“If you ignore the little things long enough, something as small as a nail clipper can make for two days of demolition and a trailer filled with an old sink, outdated vanity, faded linoleum, some lath and plaster, old plumbing, a thirsty old toilet, and so on. I can haul those few thousand pounds of junk to the landfill and rebuild your bathroom. But in the end, when it’s all put back together again, what you have will still be the spot to do the same basic grooming and human-waste disposal. Pay attention and mind the details and you save yourself a lot of hassle and money. That slow corrosion that comes if you ignore the small, nagging troubles of your life has the potential to wreck a family the way a nail clipper can wreck a bathroom.”
+ This resonated with me on a level I’m sure wasn’t intended. Simple is not the same as easy, Kurt says—something I often find myself telling families. For those families, when trauma surfaces (as it so frequently does), the easy thing is to walk away. It is so much harder to repair and remain.
“It says the new flex is having a regulated nervous system. How about that?”
“Yeah, I’d love, I’d love 1% of people who say it to know what it means.”
+ When discussing data suggesting consumers are being priced out of wellness, the podcast hosts briefly discuss how having a regulated nervous system is the new flex. This got me thinking about a trend I’ve seen towards building an understanding of nervous system regulation for the elite class. Some of this may not be ideal, but I also believe there’s much we can learn from it.
From My Week
It’s been a busy one, and I’ve also redesigned the newsletter layout (let me know what you think).
+ On Friday, we hosted a behind-the-scenes look at how we run things at a therapeutic fostering agency.
+ Yesterday, I visited Twinkl HQ in Sheffield to record a podcast for a new series they are launching soon. I’ll share the link once it’s live.
+ On a personal note, I’ve been spending some time tidying up our garden. During the COVID years, I would often sit outside and journal or read. I’ve been missing it, so I’ve been on a mission to reintroduce it into my routine. 📚🪴
From Me
Most people understand why a therapeutic, trauma-informed approach works. Where things get tricky is sticking with the approach. The constant draw toward standard parenting and teaching is never far from reach.
So, I wrote this piece to help us see that it’s not that our kids won’t behave; it’s that they can’t. The only way we help is by teaching them. And there’s no teaching without safety.
+ Find this on: The Clarified Blog | Spotify | YouTube
Could I help you?
I help adults understand children with trauma.
Could I help you? Reply to this email, or connect with me below.
~ Gareth ❤️🩹
Connect with me
LinkedIn / Facebook / Instagram / X / Bluesky / Threads / YouTube